Monday, June 27, 2011


At 6am this morning, I was snug as a bug in my bed (which is rare when you're partially paralysed) and BAM! go the lights. Not one, dim, respectful light but all the goddamn lights. I hear a loud, boisterous, annoying voice say:

Ms. Kim! Ms. Kim! Good morning!

Me: *makes very nasty face, clenches fist, contemplates knuckle sandwich allocation*

CNA: *still too fucking loud* I'm here to check your blood sugar!

Me: *continues nasty face and slightly opens eyes*

CNA: Oh good! You're awake! Hi, I'm Comfort!

I'll let that stew for a moment. Her name...her friggin COMFORT!

I can be a patient person. Not because I'm patient on the inside, but more because I don't like confrontation and I don't like to make people feel stupid. Even if they are really, really stupid. Every morning between 5-6am, nurse assistants make the rounds for vitals. Why oh why oh why they feel it is necessary to flick on ALL the lights and announce themselves as if preparing for a public speech is beyond me. This is just about every morning by the way. Some mornings I get lucky and the CNA remembers my I'm-about-to-kick-your-ass face and proceeds with a little more discretion. Something tells me Ms. Comfort isn't too bright. Which means the lights will be. *facepalm*

On a brighter note, there's been a new patient here who's a grumpy old man who always has a scowl on his face. It makes me smile. I think because he's so damn grumpy he looks like a character in a funny movie. He throws me dirty looks whenever I make eye contact with him. Maybe being surrounded by sick people is a constant reminder that he's in a fucked up situation. Today they put me next to him at the lunch table. I left him alone. At first. By his 2nd bite he was dropping his 5th f-bomb and there, in that moment, I knew we were gonna be friends. I love mean old people who swear.

He kept eating, mumbling under his breath, and I realized he was struggling with a packet of Mrs. Dash. "Ah fuck," he muttered. I leaned towards him and said "those things are a pain in the ass, I know!" I prepared myself to be told off for not minding my business. His stern face slowly looked up at me and LAUGHED! I made Mr. Crabbypants laugh! WINNING!!

Now if I can just get Comfort to leave me the fuck alone.


  1. Winning indeed. I'm glad you made a new friend :)

  2. Gellie i love your sense of humor ... And this is What Webster says about COMFORT:

    Date: 13th century : strengthening aid: a : assistance, support b : consolation in time of trouble or worry ......

    And so it sounds like she meant well... I'm laughing u know this right... I'm glad to hear you brightened Crabbypants day!!!

  3. hey! you're copying me - i loved the swearing elderly folks when i was in the nursing home. made my whole day when lee's f-bomb was directed at me.

    what's this guy's name? i'm guessing it's not comfort.