I Am Courage

A friend recently gifted me a sparkly medallion with a heart and wings on one side, and the words "I am courage" on the other. I love all things shimmer and sparkle - a detail about me that my younger self would have never admitted. I promptly hung it from my rearview mirror, partly for adornment, partly as a reminder that there are people in my life rooting for me, believing I can do big things. I know there are folx who place great significance on trinkets. They believe in crystals and amulets and all sorts of tangible things that conjure the intangible. I've mentioned this before but it bears repeating: I am an atheist; a skeptic by default. I was the little girl in Catholic school scrunching up her nose at the nuns thinking, "ehh...that doesn't sound right." 

The thing about we atheists though is that people perceive us as a collective group sharing values and perspectives the way religious people do. It is presumed we are like-minded. We aren't. The only thing we agree on is that God(s) aren't real. That's it. That's the extent of our agreement. I have to remind myself of this because I see things happening with atheists I've known for years and so much doesn't make sense to me. I see a movement toward embracing astrology, the esoteric, and pseudoscientific healing. It baffles me. But then I consider what we've been up against. A rapidly devolving hell scape of oppressive politics, Covid and the overwhelming loss of life, a recession...these are enormous shifts that are bound to make anyone grab onto what they can to make sense of this fucking mess. To find some meaning and a reason to have some goddamn hope. 

I drive around town every day with my courage medallion hanging from my rearview mirror. It sways gently with the movement of the car, sometimes swinging more rapidly as I pick up speed. I spend a lot of time alone in the car, singing off-key, bouncing in my seat to righteous tunes. That's also where I do a lot of thinking. Daydreaming and scheming. That's where I stand at the edge of the rabbit hole of "what if" and dive into the realm of "I can." Fantasies become game plans and whimsy becomes courage. Hell, the fact that I can drive at all after having been paralyzed is a feat in itself.

✨ MAGIC ✨

I come to a red light and reach for my shimmery trinket. I adjust the necklace from where it hangs to make sure it looks just right, while my mind runs through scenarios and possibilities and "definitelies." It's a tangible reminder that I can do big things, and that right there is magic.